So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
