im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
