i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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