I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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