I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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