You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
