i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
