We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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