I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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