just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
