I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
