Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
