i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
