I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
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Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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