The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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