a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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