I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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