It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
