We're like a lot better than the average bears
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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