I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
we should paint friendship bongs
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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