Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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