the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
