Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Randomize
