Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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