honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Randomize
