Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
