i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
