Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize