I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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