so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
