it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
