She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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