You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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