Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
