put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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