He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
