Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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