I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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