if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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