What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
