I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Drake has all the answers
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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