It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I wish they made helmets for livers.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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