I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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