toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
