it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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