I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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