6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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