Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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