how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
did you just send me my own nude
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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