Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
