let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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