i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
