32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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