I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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