can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
