i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Randomize
