and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
