would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
