the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
