Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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