I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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