Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
