Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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