We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
