I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
