He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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