Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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