Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize