R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Come on in and take your pants off
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