Screwed.edu
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Randomize
