imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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