What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize