I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
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