There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
