Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
