Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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