If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
