As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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