Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
