I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
