Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
It's no shave November. This is our time.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
