So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
