you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
